The beauty of sports is that anything can happen. The endless possibilities of the games allows sports writers and fans many opportunities to make predictions. For the upcoming spring season here at Trinity, I, your favorite sports reporter, have some predictions of my own.
Get ready for track, the sport with the skinniest athletes since cross country, ’cause ladies and sport boys, track is back. This season will see one incredible moment, when, against all odds, all members of the team will be healthy, uninjured and cleared to compete. The moment will end after 25 seconds when a first-year thrower trips over his own discus.
Trinity Tennis will return to its roots and go completely Division I once again. The women’s team makes it all the way to nationals where they must face The University of Georgia. In an act of desperation, Gretchen Rush, women’s tennis head coach, takes the court disguised as a student. The men’s team loses every match. Later a 30 for 30 will be made.
Get ready for softball, the sport with the most SPURS sorority members since women’s soccer. This upcoming season of softball will see all the players balance not only their time on the field with their studies and extracurricular endeavors, but also with their modeling careers, as all team members sign a contract with Nike. However, as NCAA athletes, none of these athletes gain any revenue from the deal. They do, however, look fly as hell.
And finally, get ready for baseball, a team with more pitchers than there are bass singers in the Trinity choirs. Overwhelmed by the abundance of young, willing, and talented pitchers, coaches organize a Hunger Games for the staff. These Hunger Games will be broadcast on TigerTV.