College is a time of self-exploration, self-improvement, hard work and perseverance. We want to find out who we are while simultaneously learning practical things about the world and our future. A popular outlet for this desire is the classic college trip over spring break. It’s a collegiate tradition for U.S. students go to party the night (and day) away in some of the most beautiful and relaxing places in the world, surrounding themselves with rich cultures and awesome displays of nature’s beauty. Some of the best destinations include Miami, the Bahamas, Las Vegas, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Vallarta, Daytona Beach, Iraq, South Padre Island, Acapulco, Jamaica, Cabo and Iran.
Back in October, a few high school friends and I who went to college in Texas resolved to go to Austin City Limits to enjoy ourselves for the weekend. It was a fantastic weekend of great music and enjoying each other’s company. By the end of the trip we had enjoyed hanging out together so much that we had to figure out another trip for our next vacation. So, my friend Matt listed off some of the options we had for spring break. It included most of the places from the above list, and we narrowed our trip down to three options: Daytona Beach, Cabo and Baghdad. After some final heated arguments about which had the hottest girls, best bars and most beautiful scenery, we finally agreed on Baghdad. So fun!
Nov. 8, 2016 marked the beginning of the end of my spring break plans for my first year at college. Donald Trump, a racist, xenophobic, sexist, not to mention Baghdad-hating bigot, was elected as president of the United States. I have no idea how this happened, I guess people just have the IQ of a walnut and hearts of stone. I cried for literally three hours straight and skipped classes for a week. Luckily, many of my teachers felt my pain and allowed me to miss class. They moved tests around and were very accommodating of my depression.
A lot has happened since this point. Most importantly, Donald Trump banned all Muslims from immigrating to the United States. He banned all the Muslim countries and pretended like he was just banning people from the countries, but really he was banning all Muslims because Muslims are only located in these countries. The wonderful inhabitants of Iran, Syria, Yemen, Sudan, Somalia, Libya and Iraq (so all the Muslim countries) were banned from coming to the U.S. These countries are of enormous beauty and are home to the most peaceful people on earth. It is such a shame that Trump would ban all Muslims.
Now to get to the part where Trump ruins my spring break (which he already has, because my entire life is ruined because he was elected). Because of this ban, Iraq has decided to retaliate with a devastating blow to the United States and many of its citizens: they have banned Americans from coming to Iraq. This makes perfect sense because of the racist decisions of not-my-president Trump. However, I wish they could make an exception for me and my friends. We spent approximately $20 on the nicest hotel in Baghdad, and they do not offer refunds for Americans, presumably because of not-my-president Trump. Yes, the hotels can be expensive, but it is worth it for the amazing food, incredible buildings, beautiful women whose faces you can always see because they are never covered up with black polyester to keep them submitted and hot in the Baghdad sun, and all of the incredibly nice people.
Although Baghdad was our first choice for many obvious reasons, my friends and I have managed to change our plans to go somewhere that didn’t quite make our first pick: Cabo. Cabo has great beaches, great food, great nightlife and just like Baghdad, incredible people. Yes, it is a little boring compared to our primary choice, and it will be much quieter due to the lack of AK47s going off around you and the lack of shouts of “Allahu Akbar” followed by suicide bombs, but it will suffice. Oh, and Donald Trump is still #notmypresident.