Whether it be zombie attacks, nuclear fallout, a tailored super virus or good old-fashioned fire and brimstone, there is one inescapable certainty: this December 21, 2012, the world will end. Yes, the time of the Mayan-prophesied end of days is upon us. While most scholars suggest this is ridiculous hype, the true experts of all knowledge “” by this I mean the bloggers and fanatical contributors to conspiracy forums “” are quite certain that the end is nigh. So what to do? You could spend your last days searching for meaning and truth, cherishing loved ones and praying for salvation, but why would you do that when you can host the most epic party ever?
If you’re still reading this, I can tell we’re on the same page, so let’s get planning.
Step One: Figuring out your theme
Before you sell all of your worldly possessions to fund this extravagant party (this step is optional), it’s good to get an idea of what your party theme will be. Pick an end-of-the-world scenario, and integrate it into the party planning. For example, for a zombie theme, you can make washable fake blood from one of the many recipes online and splash a few bloody handprints on the windows and doors. If you want to be really creative, get a group of friends to secretly attend in decked-out zombie costumes and pounce on the unsuspecting guests “¦ just make sure none of those guests are packing. That could get messy.
Step Two: Location
Every post-apocalypse conspiracy theorist and dystopian reader knows that the city is a terrible place to weather the apocalypse. Cities will be the first targeted for nuclear strikes, the most affected by viruses and zombie outbreaks and the most vulnerable to the chaos of panicked mobs. Try to find a quiet place out in the country or in a suburb, where you can, if need be, subsist on hunted meat and gathered veggies. I have no idea how to do this, but the movies make it look pretty easy.
Step Three: Supplies
Of course some food is necessary. I just heard the company that makes Twinkies is going out of business, so you’ll need to find a gas station and get some quickly before those things are out of stock. The main concern, however, will be the booze. Alcohol will play a key role in helping your guests/victims cope with their inevitable destruction. See if you can theme the drinks as well. You can prepare Mudslides, which are mixtures of Bailey’s Irish cream and Kahlua coffee liqueur, or the dangerously potent Four Horsemen, which is a mixture of Jim Beam, Jack Daniel’s, Johnnie Walker and Jameson Irish Whiskey. Also, try to get your hands on a HAM radio. That way, you can hear some updates on how the apocalyptic events are going.
Step Four: Activities
For activities, there are numerous options. Watch the movie “2012” on a big screen, tell scary stories or play the “Zombie Apocalypse” board game. If you can without breaking the law, make a bonfire and set off some fireworks. The key is to enjoy yourself and live the aesthetic lifestyle to its fullest. Just be sure that you can stay up till sunrise on Dec. 21. At that point, I suggest you get some lawn chairs, watch the sunrise and wait for the show to begin. I heard it’s going to be a good one.
Paul Cuclis is an Arts and Entertainment columnist for the Trinitonian. He is a senior English major from Houston, Texas.