Lawful Good: Murchison
- No longer HOPE Hall but still has a residual air of once having been tended by our community’s greatest servants.
- Has an elevator that connects lower and upper campus, meaning that the hall itself literally provides a community service.
Neutral Good: North
- The great myth of upperclassmen dorms, supposedly existing somewhere north of South.
- Dorms for anyone who watched the first Harry Potter movie & thought “wow that broom closet looks luxe.”
- Honestly tho the three year living requirement makes every introvert think “that broom closet looks luxe.”
Chaotic Good: Lightner
- No sharing bathrooms w/ suitemates & living rooms the size of Prassel closets.
- Tea room is most poshly named room on campus imo wot wot.
- Thomas-adjacent, so it shares a courtyard between the 2, otherwise known as Portal to the Void, where all missing food on campus turns up, like that house in “Halloweentown,” & TUPD and RAs lose all authority over students, resulting in a “Purge”-like atmosphere that infects every square foot.
Lawful Neutral: Prassel
- Windows so clean they are the number one cause of death for San Antonio birds.
- If there is ever actually a fire in this dorm no one will believe the alarm and everyone will die.
- Rhymes with hassle, as in its a hassle to walk anywhere on campus from this dorm strategically placed as inconveniently far from everything as possible.
- It’s not Thomas tho amirite ladies.
True Neutral: McFarlin Complex
- Walls are basically paper & residents know all drama on campus from hearing the passing conversation outside of their rooms.
- All the doors have gaps so large underneath they look like lil entrances for the not-so-lil roaches.
- Juniors are just happy to have a bed at the end of the day & the occasional lukewarm shower.
Chaotic Neutral: Herndon
- The only dorm without a community study area bc everyone is too busy partying.
- Also a sub free dorm b/c everyone is too busy studying???
- Constantly clogged showers mean everyone is actually too busy drowning.
Lawful Evil: Witt Winn
- Newly renovated and feels eerily like a hotel.
- Walls so thin you can hear the heartbeat of the person three doors down from you.
Neutral Evil: South
- Mold so strong it killed Pet Hall.
- Sewage so deep it almost killed South Hall altogether.
- The only good thing is Sabrina the Cat. Long live Sabrina, our goth queen, ruler over all West Campus!
Chaotic Evil: Thomas
- Every day in Bruce Thomas Hall, another ceiling tile is ruthlessly murdered … For just $1 a day, you can help end this ceiling tile cruelty. Pls consider donating.
- Seriously whoever the Banana Bomber™ is, have you considered composting?
Arts & Entertainment Contributor | Class of 2019 | Major: Communication