Moral alignment chart: Residence halls

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Lawful Good: Murchison

  • No longer HOPE Hall but still has a residual air of once having been tended by our community’s greatest servants.
  • Has an elevator that connects lower and upper campus, meaning that the hall itself literally provides a community service.

Neutral Good: North

  • The great myth of upperclassmen dorms, supposedly existing somewhere north of South.
  • Dorms for anyone who watched the first Harry Potter movie & thought “wow that broom closet looks luxe.”
  • Honestly tho the three year living requirement makes every introvert think “that broom closet looks luxe.”

Chaotic Good: Lightner

  • No sharing bathrooms w/ suitemates & living rooms the size of Prassel closets.
  • Tea room is most poshly named room on campus imo wot wot.
  • Thomas-adjacent, so it shares a courtyard between the 2, otherwise known as Portal to the Void, where all missing food on campus turns up, like that house in “Halloweentown,” & TUPD and RAs lose all authority over students, resulting in a “Purge”-like atmosphere that infects every square foot.

Lawful Neutral: Prassel

  • Windows so clean they are the number one cause of death for San Antonio birds.
  • If there is ever actually a fire in this dorm no one will believe the alarm and everyone will die.
  • Rhymes with hassle, as in its a hassle to walk anywhere on campus from this dorm strategically placed as inconveniently far from everything as possible.
  • It’s not Thomas tho amirite ladies.

True Neutral: McFarlin Complex

  • Walls are basically paper & residents know all drama on campus from hearing the passing conversation outside of their rooms.
  • All the doors have gaps so large underneath they look like lil entrances for the not-so-lil roaches.
  • Juniors are just happy to have a bed at the end of the day & the occasional lukewarm shower.

Chaotic Neutral: Herndon

  • The only dorm without a community study area bc everyone is too busy partying.
  • Also a sub free dorm b/c everyone is too busy studying???
  • Constantly clogged showers mean everyone is actually too busy drowning.

Lawful Evil: Witt Winn

  • Newly renovated and feels eerily like a hotel.
  • Walls so thin you can hear the heartbeat of the person three doors down from you.

Neutral Evil: South

  • Mold so strong it killed Pet Hall.
  • Sewage so deep it almost killed South Hall altogether.
  • The only good thing is Sabrina the Cat. Long live Sabrina, our goth queen, ruler over all West Campus!

Chaotic Evil: Thomas

  • Smellovator.
  • Every day in Bruce Thomas Hall, another ceiling tile is ruthlessly murdered … For just $1 a day, you can help end this ceiling tile cruelty. Pls consider donating.
  • Seriously whoever the Banana Bomber™ is, have you considered composting?

 

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