When I first got to Trinity, I was depressed. Very depressed.
I spent two and a quarter of my years at Trinity being depressed. Isn’t it funny, then, that when I finally manage to come to terms with myself and be happy and excited to do things at school, that I’m graduating. Haha, I’m just laughing so much, it’s hilarious!
Now I get to go out into the world and be depressed again! It’s so funny how that works. OK, enough with the depression! I’m over it.
Last night, as I tried to go to bed, I thought of something really funny to write here. Well, I forgot what it was.
Why do I have to write a senior column again? Is this my punishment for working for the Trinitonian? I mean, like, my “Trinity Experience”? What experience? I was depressed for over half the time I was here, and then I spent the rest of my time trying to pull myself out of the ditch I had dug. Fun times. So what do I wanna say? Well, I would like to personally thank everyone who has ever laughed at my jokes, all like, three of you. It’s good to know some people here can recognize unfunny jokes as an art form.
You guys, all you three entire people, you keep me going. Please don’t ever laugh at anyone else’s jokes, it makes me jealous.
But seriously, if you want to read something like, “Oh four years goes by so fast,” then you should read another column.
The first two years at this school went by painfully slowly. The minutes felt like hours and I felt nothing but a pit of dread in my chest and a deep, numb sadness in my heart.
It was only the last year that went by fast, probably because it was only really this past semester that I learned to really care about and value myself. And you know what? I’m afraid of losing that, because if I do, it will take years to get back.
You probably expected me to be funny for my last Trinitonian column ever, but you were wrong! I’m actually just trying to get the word count now.
You see, for other seniors, writing a senior column is optional, but for me, a Trinitonian employee, it isn’t.
Let’s see, well, once I graduate, this school will probably not see someone as pretty and as hilarious and awesome as me, so you guys should probably start mourning now. I mean, what are you going to look forward to next year if there’s no column by Lauren Schroeter waiting for you at the end of the week?
Nothing, that’s what.
It’s ok for you to cry about it: You won’t be the first person who has shed tears over me.
Good luck, dweebs.