Before the final grocery trip, before the parting hug and before your dad has a single tear falling down his cheek and chokes out, “Tommy, we’re real proud of you, son,” there are just a few things you need to get from your parents. It’s not money, it’s not a final wet kiss on your sweaty cheek from your mother, but rather a few numbers and words. I know what you all are already thinking now that you’re settled into your dorm, “DANGNABBIT!”
How am I supposed to watch episodes of How To Get Away With Murder when it comes back on September 24 without a DVR?!” It’s okay everyone, your parents have got you covered.
This one is a given. You need a Netflix account to survive college. Period. If you have one, you are a normal human being.
If you don’t have one, get one immediately and never admit that you came to college without one.
Having a HuluPlus account is literally the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in the 22 years of my life. Yes, it still has commercials, BUT you can find a plethora of shows you cannot really find anywhere else. Want to binge-watch Sabrina, the Teenage Witch? YOU CAN FREAKING DO IT! Want to catch up on the latest season of Bob’s Burgers? YOU CAN DO THAT TOO!
It has so many shows and specific seasons that Netflix does not carry. I highly suggest begging your parents to get an account. If they ask, “Tiffany, why the hell should we pay 7.99 a month for another streaming service?” Say, “Pops, you can watch the latest season of Justified to fill that red-neck hole in your heart.
And Momsie, you can fill your desire for food porn by watching Top Chef from the beginning!”
It’s that easy. If they are still resisting the idea, cry. If you’re a boy, cry even harder. It’ll unsettle them so much they will sign up for an account right that instant in your dorm room.
Your Local Cable Provider
Getting your parents’ account username and password for your cable provider is a cheap way to access every channel in existence. I’m not kidding. Go to FXX, enter your info, and BOOM!
Every episode of The Simpsons ever made is at your fingertips. This also works for channels like Lifetime, Bravo, Starz, HBO and basic cable channels like ABC, NBC, Fox and CBS.
Of course, in order for you to have access to these channels at college, your parents have to have subscriptions to them.
Or you can beg your friends for their info, but that’s not really legal, so shhhh!
Here at the Trinitonian, we definitely do not condone the use of illegal downloading/streaming websites. However, the big one that was a favorite of many a college student, which rhymes with Moject Tree ReeVee, was finally shut down this summer, which caused us to curse and our computers to sing their thanks since they no longer have to deal with so many viruses. I’m sure there are many other websites where you can illegally watch movies and television, but my editor is looking over my shoulder, so I can’t share any of them with you. Sorry.
Now with all of this information, go forth and begin your inevitable procrastination, my pretties!