Didn’t it feel like she really had it? Before the latest email news flash, it felt like we could finally turn our election notifications off. Baloney that we can’t. In fact, this whole situation is starting to feel so baloney that it’s made a few folks wonder, “Where are those third-party options?”
I suppose turning to a third party this late in the election could be condoned. After all, if you’re really feeling anything like your candidate Gary these days, then you’ve also publicly decreed, “Boom! I’d blow my brains out.” HBO is hopefully releasing a new interview with the Libertarian candidate soon, or at least I hope so, since I’d appreciate hearing the rest of his response to the question of what he’d do if tasked with picking between Trump or Clinton.
His candidacy has been given so little attention over the months that I was surprised at his demeanor in the recent Guardian tax-policy interview with him. No headlines have raised suspicions on his campaign contributions or absences from the debate stages. I wondered what endorsements he’d acquired, since obviously Elon Musk could be one of them, right? After all, the last time I saw a piece of news about Gary was in September, when his “buckle up” policy had been revisited. To address climate change is to make 2016 the year we prepare to board Falcon 9. Remind yourself that, in Gary’s eyes, the planet we temporarily occupy will face an inevitable engulfment by our own current life source in some nearer number of billion years.
Gary seems like he’s got a few things going on right now, and maybe this just isn’t his year. Maybe it’s the stress of being the first presidential candidate to have, like, actually smoked weed? He was the CEO and president of Cannabis Sativa, Inc. There’s your bit for business experience and economic preparedness. But maybe the Aleppo moment has him worrying that a few too many necessary facts have been knocked out of his memory banks.
Gary seems disheveled. The bitterness he espouses on camera right now has me feeling a little concerned about his stress level. I hear him “” he sees the media’s portrait of an absolute fool for simple slackings in geopolitical “wherewithanything,” and it’s certainly a burden to bear. I just can’t get around the notion that being president means maintaining a certain face for a new watchful audience and a visible semblance of proper temperament when you’ve got moves to make.
Everyone’s still terrified of Trump, and so maybe Gary looks like a cool drink of New Mexican water. The thing is, he’s not. He’s a vote suck that’s polling at least 39 percent below Trump’s lowest marker. Also, you’ve got another news flash. A lot of Democrats have evidence to cite when they argue that Hillary could conceivably take Texas. This means one of two things for either of the other candidates you’re thinking of.
It’s been fun having Gary along for the ride. It really is baloney that he couldn’t have done a bit better. The days of Bernie seemed bright, but please don’t think that Gary’s the sun to return those lost rays. To my friends who vote Gary, I’ll always appreciate your civic participation. Even after Gary’s lost the election, that Reddit thread suggesting the Musk & Johnson partnership could find fruition and a place for itself in the history books of space exploration.
Jeff Sullivan is a senior political science major. He’s also an in-depth reporter for the Trinitonian.