Illustration by Genevieve Humphreys
As the school year draws to a peaceful close, you can’t help but get reminiscent. I don’t have much time left as the president of the Young Conservatives of Texas (YCT), and when I look back on it, I can say it’s been a pretty fun gig. Even though I have to sift through a pile of Constitutions in my closet to find my old shirts, there are more perks than downsides.
However, it’s come to my attention that not everybody has been having as much fun. I don’t have any social media, so it’s taken a little while for me to realize that some people on this campus are mad at YCT. It’s easy for me to escape the vitriol because our officer board is comprised of women who proudly cannot do a single pushup and gentlemen who turn the other cheek, and the fearless activists of Trinity tend to favor these easier targets.
To be honest, I’m a little miffed. I founded “The Tower” with other members back when I was a first-year, and it was run by people who couldn’t spell, but my papist nemesis Luke Ayers keeps stealing my thunder. I came up with the idea for the Commie Cookies event when I woke up from a dream about Panda Express, and nobody gave me credit. I built the mock Berlin Wall and rolled it all the way to Coates Esplanade, but when some angry socialists came by, they yelled at our vice president Maddie when I was standing right there. I brought Bob Fu to campus, and one student who evidently disagreed with his lecture decided to spit on another one of our officers instead of me.
In my experience, most liberals are far more diplomatic and sanitary. However, in the past school year, the rage on this campus seems to have risen. A small but vocal cadre of rather irritable leftists seems convinced that I am their enemy, and they want to make war. Some reactionary part of my caveman brain wants to tell them to bring it on. They’d be no match. Conservatives have weapons, and most of the football team would be on our side.
But then I remember that this is all really just a big game. I’m a 20-year-old bass player from Maypearl who likes low taxes, not Hermann Goering. I love absolutely everybody here, and I truly mean that with no exception. Even the people who hate the things I do are an endless source of fascination for me. Also, I think we can all just take a deep breath and relax for a minute. YCT spices things up around here — so what? We’re not hurting anybody. We’re certainly not hocking loogies at unsuspecting students, though that might be a fun idea for a club, too. You certainly can’t stop us either, so there’s no point in trying. Trinity has a long history of apathy; whatever happened to that? The school year is waning; let’s just sit back, savor the moment and be cool.