2008 Woodie Awards
Guns make TU history
Will Maddox
Issue date: 1/25/08 Section: Opinion
I want to thank the University Conduct Board for their in-depth investigation into the purposes, nature and causes of the disturbing arms stockpile found in the residence halls at Trinity. As usual, the truth is much funnier than anything I could think of. But if we would have taken an honest look at ourselves as a student body that studies for O-Chem on a Friday night, we could have guessed that the explanation for the guns would take us deeper into Nerdville than we could have ever imagined.
We should have known that at a school where the library is the coolest place to hang out, a student who keeps guns at school is not a normal threat, but rather a military history buff that would rather reenact Operation Barbarossa (a.k.a. Battle of Bialystok-Minsk) than take some cute Alpha Chi to the Quarry.
That said, prior to this academic explanation of the guns, everyone was a little nervous. In that nervousness, we all developed our own theories on why he had the guns, and each had our own questions.
I can only imagine all the calls poor Dean Tuttle might be receiving from first years' overprotective suburban mothers from Katy or Plano or somewhere like that who are wondering if their baby is safe. If this sounds like a call that your roommate's mother might make, congratulations on the gaining of your very own single room.
Why would any one person need so many guns? I am afraid the answer goes back to our unique position as Texans. We are a very proud, independent people, and some historians contend that Texas reserves the right to secede from the Union and become the Republic of Texas as was the case from 1836 to 1845, when we were our very own nation. Any red-blooded Texan knows that we can fly our flag as high as the U.S. flag, and that we have the ability to split up into four states of our very own. Good options would be West Texas, South Texas, North Texas and Houston.
In a related matter, there is a fringe group called the Republic of Texas who believes that Texas was illegally annexed to the U.S. and is today an occupied independent nation. Every few years, they stockpile some arms and hold a couple people hostage in the name of Texas' nationhood.
We should have known that at a school where the library is the coolest place to hang out, a student who keeps guns at school is not a normal threat, but rather a military history buff that would rather reenact Operation Barbarossa (a.k.a. Battle of Bialystok-Minsk) than take some cute Alpha Chi to the Quarry.
That said, prior to this academic explanation of the guns, everyone was a little nervous. In that nervousness, we all developed our own theories on why he had the guns, and each had our own questions.
I can only imagine all the calls poor Dean Tuttle might be receiving from first years' overprotective suburban mothers from Katy or Plano or somewhere like that who are wondering if their baby is safe. If this sounds like a call that your roommate's mother might make, congratulations on the gaining of your very own single room.
Why would any one person need so many guns? I am afraid the answer goes back to our unique position as Texans. We are a very proud, independent people, and some historians contend that Texas reserves the right to secede from the Union and become the Republic of Texas as was the case from 1836 to 1845, when we were our very own nation. Any red-blooded Texan knows that we can fly our flag as high as the U.S. flag, and that we have the ability to split up into four states of our very own. Good options would be West Texas, South Texas, North Texas and Houston.
In a related matter, there is a fringe group called the Republic of Texas who believes that Texas was illegally annexed to the U.S. and is today an occupied independent nation. Every few years, they stockpile some arms and hold a couple people hostage in the name of Texas' nationhood.
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