2008 Woodie Awards
Much Ado about No. 2
Will Maddox
Issue date: 9/14/07 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 2 next >
This column is about pooping. So I want to apologize to all the females who may read this column, as in all my research I have found no evidence that girls actually poop. Perhaps if you wish to continue reading, you can pass this information on to your boyfriends.
In light of recent events involving fecal matter and a McLean appliance, I decided to take this chance to provide a guide to going No. 2 at TU. For the dumber half of the population, knowing where to poop is important information. There is nothing more relaxing than a quiet, uninterrupted 15 minutes or so on the toilet, so I have used my years at Trinity, as well as input from a variety of sources, to compile some information on the best and worse places to poop at Trinity.
We shall begin with the worst places so that you will know where to avoid. You are going to want to stay away from any places that are highly populated: Any bathroom in Coates, the third floor of the library, Northrup and the Bell Center should be avoided at all costs.
It is most unfortunate to be interrupted while in the process. It becomes quite awkward because you have to be silent and pretend you aren't there until the intruder vacates the premises. There is a bathroom on the first floor of Chapman where, as you relieve yourself, you can be seen by those who are traversing the hallways as the door is opened.
Talk about invasion of privacy! There is also a toilet in the Bell Center near the training room where your legs don't even touch the ground as you sit. This takes the comfort level down immensely as your legs are likely to cramp up in the process. Using the public bathroom on the third floor of Thomas is basically asking to be walked in on, which is never fun. But by far the worst bathroom is the one in the pavilion near the soccer field. You are guaranteed to be interrupted, will most likely be sweating by the time you finish and cringing at the less than sanitary conditions.
This next pick might be a bit controversial, but it is my opinion that the dorm room toilets are among the worst to use. These are my reasons: There is a good chance of your suitemates or their guests coming into the bathroom, which is guaranteed to be somewhat uncomfortable. In addition, you are polluting the very air in which you live, which usually is not smart. So for your own good, get the dirty out of the way before you get back to the room if possible.
In light of recent events involving fecal matter and a McLean appliance, I decided to take this chance to provide a guide to going No. 2 at TU. For the dumber half of the population, knowing where to poop is important information. There is nothing more relaxing than a quiet, uninterrupted 15 minutes or so on the toilet, so I have used my years at Trinity, as well as input from a variety of sources, to compile some information on the best and worse places to poop at Trinity.
We shall begin with the worst places so that you will know where to avoid. You are going to want to stay away from any places that are highly populated: Any bathroom in Coates, the third floor of the library, Northrup and the Bell Center should be avoided at all costs.
It is most unfortunate to be interrupted while in the process. It becomes quite awkward because you have to be silent and pretend you aren't there until the intruder vacates the premises. There is a bathroom on the first floor of Chapman where, as you relieve yourself, you can be seen by those who are traversing the hallways as the door is opened.
Talk about invasion of privacy! There is also a toilet in the Bell Center near the training room where your legs don't even touch the ground as you sit. This takes the comfort level down immensely as your legs are likely to cramp up in the process. Using the public bathroom on the third floor of Thomas is basically asking to be walked in on, which is never fun. But by far the worst bathroom is the one in the pavilion near the soccer field. You are guaranteed to be interrupted, will most likely be sweating by the time you finish and cringing at the less than sanitary conditions.
This next pick might be a bit controversial, but it is my opinion that the dorm room toilets are among the worst to use. These are my reasons: There is a good chance of your suitemates or their guests coming into the bathroom, which is guaranteed to be somewhat uncomfortable. In addition, you are polluting the very air in which you live, which usually is not smart. So for your own good, get the dirty out of the way before you get back to the room if possible.
Be the first to comment on this story