2008 Woodie Awards
Omaha bores students
Simran Singh
Issue date: 3/24/06 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
And I've reached a new low.
For Spring Break I went to the lamest place on earth. Omaha, Bernaska.
One guy there was like, "Bernaskans always go to Cali and Texas for Spring Break. I always wondered what Texans and Californians did."
I told him not to worry about it.
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
Highlight of the car ride down?
Sleeping with my mouth open after eating super-onion bagels. It was like I had a party in my nose, and everyone was invited.
Unfortunately, Bill Nichols wasn't down. So I had to abort that faster than a Catholic teenager. No offense or anything.
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
Highlight of the car ride up? The magnificent nothingness of the Great PLAINS.
(Get it? Plains? Plain? See, it's funny because they're homonyms, which means they sound the same but connote different things. By relating the two to describe the bland topography of a particular geographical location, I made a pun.)
But back to the nothingness of the landscape. They don't call it the Great Plains for nothing.
(Note to all aspiring Simrans: Here I have created a paradox. I suggest that they are called the "plains" both for their nothingness and not for nothing simultaneously [which is comical in itself (as are multiple parentheses.)])
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
They do have the best zoo in the country, though. We saw some goats break out of the petting zoo, some sharks eating lunch off of poles (fish sticks if you will) and, most excitingly, a tiger get jealous of Carlo Schmidt's tigerness and try to attack him through the glass (needless to say that another tiger came to defend Carlo's tiger honor by fighting the jealous tiger [Disclaimer - Carlo is the tiger of all tigers (If you see him around campus, call him the Alpha Male Tiger.)])
And he inspired this joke.
Q: Where do tigers put their babies?
A: In cubbie holes.
(Get it? It's the homonym action again.)
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
The only thing that could have possibly been more boring was to stay over with Read Holman in Longview, Texas. Oh, wait. We did that, too.
Just kidding. We had a lot of fun on our trip. I don't regret anything. Not like Robert Garcia who airballed a shot during a Spurs game a couple weeks ago that would have won him $9,000.
But don't tell him that I told you that. I promised to keep the story between him, me and the 20,000 fans at the game.
(Get it? Like all of San Antonio already knows about Robert's $9,000 airball?)
For Spring Break I went to the lamest place on earth. Omaha, Bernaska.
One guy there was like, "Bernaskans always go to Cali and Texas for Spring Break. I always wondered what Texans and Californians did."
I told him not to worry about it.
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
Highlight of the car ride down?
Sleeping with my mouth open after eating super-onion bagels. It was like I had a party in my nose, and everyone was invited.
Unfortunately, Bill Nichols wasn't down. So I had to abort that faster than a Catholic teenager. No offense or anything.
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
Highlight of the car ride up? The magnificent nothingness of the Great PLAINS.
(Get it? Plains? Plain? See, it's funny because they're homonyms, which means they sound the same but connote different things. By relating the two to describe the bland topography of a particular geographical location, I made a pun.)
But back to the nothingness of the landscape. They don't call it the Great Plains for nothing.
(Note to all aspiring Simrans: Here I have created a paradox. I suggest that they are called the "plains" both for their nothingness and not for nothing simultaneously [which is comical in itself (as are multiple parentheses.)])
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
They do have the best zoo in the country, though. We saw some goats break out of the petting zoo, some sharks eating lunch off of poles (fish sticks if you will) and, most excitingly, a tiger get jealous of Carlo Schmidt's tigerness and try to attack him through the glass (needless to say that another tiger came to defend Carlo's tiger honor by fighting the jealous tiger [Disclaimer - Carlo is the tiger of all tigers (If you see him around campus, call him the Alpha Male Tiger.)])
And he inspired this joke.
Q: Where do tigers put their babies?
A: In cubbie holes.
(Get it? It's the homonym action again.)
But seriously. Omaha sucks.
The only thing that could have possibly been more boring was to stay over with Read Holman in Longview, Texas. Oh, wait. We did that, too.
Just kidding. We had a lot of fun on our trip. I don't regret anything. Not like Robert Garcia who airballed a shot during a Spurs game a couple weeks ago that would have won him $9,000.
But don't tell him that I told you that. I promised to keep the story between him, me and the 20,000 fans at the game.
(Get it? Like all of San Antonio already knows about Robert's $9,000 airball?)