We’re only two months into 2016 and it seems there’s already a pattern forming: Every week there’s another damn story about Kanye West. Whether he’s throwing shade at a popstar, having a tantrum in his Saturday Night Live dressing room, or going crazy on Twitter, this guy is taking over pop culture. It’s only natural we have some questions about the legend that is Yeezus. What is it about him that fascinates us so much? Why is he so popular? How can I, too, balance the line between genius and insanity? Well, it’s gonna take some work. Forget what you thought you knew, because living the life of Ye requires some schooling.
Not everyone can pull off naming their kids Saint and North West. To be honest, I’m not even sure Kanye is pulling it off. Nevertheless, these are real names of real children. Sometimes I wonder how the name-choosing process. Surely Kim didn’t come up with these. Nothing screams Kanye more than a cardinal direction and a holy figure with a likeness to God himself. I can just imagine Kimye’s exchange. “Saint West would be such a dope name, right?” “Like, ummm, like, yeah.” Pull a Kanye, people. Get weird with your life.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
We’ve all seen the tweets. Kanye is broke as hell. And he’s asking Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg for help. “One of the coolest things you could ever do is to help me in my time of need,” he wrote. Now that’s a man unafraid to be vulnerable — I can respect that. Sure, Zuckerberg has yet to respond to the pleas, but it’s the thought that counts. Kanye really will stoop to any level, and sometimes, you can get away with doing it too.
Don’t forget who’s played you
Devoted Ye fans will remember when his laptop was stolen last year. We were drowning in the anticipation of endless song leaks and celebrity dirt that would surely be dug up. But just a few hours later, Kanye’s management insisted the laptop was never missing. We all got over our disappointment and moved on with our lives until “Real Friends” dropped and we were blessed with a new clue to the laptop mystery. “And as far as real friends, tell my cousins I love ‘em / Even the one that stole the laptop, you dirty motherfucker,” he raps. And that wasn’t the only track to mention the sticky-fingered cousin — I dig the “No More Parties in LA” verse. You can look up that expletive-laced line on your own. In Kanye’s world, revenge is a dish best served with a good beat. Next time someone cuts you off in the Prassel parking garage, just leave them your diss track under their windshield wiper.
Stand up for your Bey-liefs
I think we can all agree that Beyonce is the unofficial queen of everything. At the very least, Kanye agrees with me. Why else would he have stormed multiple award show stages to defend her? That kind of devotion is rare. Who else would have the balls to take down Taylor Swift and the endlessly talented Beck? Maybe don’t go stage rushing all of a sudden at the Grammy’s, but take a cue from Mr. West. Fight for what you believe in, or something like that.