by Captain America Trinity is famous around the world as the school with “the most gorgeous and athletically talented men.� Men they must be called for their chiseled bodies and rugid personality, boys or guys just doesn’t cut it. Players come from around the world to get a chance to play at the elicited Trinity [...]

by The Champions Who, these days, is still keeping up with that New Year’s Resolution? Well, if you’re goal was to get healthy, don’t look any further than what we have here on campus! Inspired by the Paleolithic—or caveman—diet, here are a list of the craziest diets we could think of. “Under the Sea� Diet: [...]

Students rub the Magic Stones for “luck” more than ever, causes debt in Trinity’s budget by Lady Ottoline The Trinity administration confirmed that it has been putting hallucinogen drugs inside of the “Magic Stonesâ€� to bring students luck. Twelve Trinity seniors decided to approach the administration after experiencing this terrifying luck that they had received [...]

by Bryan Eaststand During the process of fixing the leaking pipe last week that caused the loss of heating in the sophomore college residence halls last February, Facility Services accidentally created another leak that caused the same dorms to be without oxygen. While playing a game of “bulldozer chicken� as director of Facility Services Jim [...]

by Bert Keselman After a late night of studying last week, I was walking to my car only to run into Viva!’s very own Will Hardaway pruning the bushes outside Storch at 4 o’clock in the morning. After recovering from the initial shock of finding my editor in a bush with a pair of menacing-looking [...]

“It’s about time these GDIs learn their ABC’s,� by Margeaux Crowne University president Dennis Fratburg announced that he plans to rush a fraternity in the fall. “It’s about time these GDIs learn their ABC’s,� Fratburg said. “A, I’m president Fratburg; B, I’m the frattiest person here; C, get on my level.� Unique situations like this [...]

Police Chief Paul of Chapped Lips working hard to keep community safe from sticker-posters by Mrow On April 18 at approximately 9:10 a.m., the Trinity community received an urgent e-mail from the Trinity University Police Department Chief Paul of Chapped Lips. In this message, titled “Community Crime Alert from Paul of Chapped Lips,� recipients were [...]

by Ty-liar “the Colonel” Sanders Something that may or may not have happened to me in the last week. Explanation of that thing. Detail about that thing (this makes it seem more realistic). A joke that I will make two more times! Problem with thing! Brief explanation of problem. Declaration of my opinion: this problem [...]

by Ringmybell and Oozeman We have come to an impasse. After a year of writing thoughtful columns for the Trinitonian – unlike the hipster cynic, Ty-liar “the Colonel� Sanders – we’ve realized just how successful we actually were. In fact, even if neither of us persuaded any other person on this campus of the pre-eminence [...]

Administration encourages shooting threatening squirrels by Kelly Clarkson In an unprecedented move, Trinity recently announced that it will be holding a Second Amendment Day on campus this fall, the first of what they hope will be an annual event at the university. The event, which is scheduled for Aug. 27, will show Trinity’s support for [...]